Frisbee

Between 2007 and 2009, between the age of 16 and 18, my religious views have been ambiguous. While the prayers really didn't make sense to me for obvious reasons that they weren't answered, I somehow clinged on to somewhat religious lifestyle. It was perhaps cause of my religious mother who would constantly pester me to pray, however, that wasn't always the case. Prayers made me feel comfortable. The fact that a greater being, God, was watching over me, protecting me, looking after my well being and giving me what I wanted was (though my prayers/wishes were seldom fulfilled) a comfort! And when my prayers weren't answered it was cause God knew what's best for me - how very convenient!
Then there were those times full of doubt as to why I was praying to God. And if I was praying, why was Mohammed being praised in the prayers always popped in my head. My religious beliefs were like a Frisbee, being between a Muslim and an agnostic. What made me furious was lack of tolerance most religions showed towards homosexuals, especially Islam. Being homosexual myself, it was infuriating to see how Muslims would cast scathing comments for gays and when asked why were there gays, they would promptly answer that's its a test from God and that they must abstain and lead a straight life. That's a bummer by the way. Why would a gay guy ruin the life of a girl he marries just cause his religion instructs him to (But then again religion is meant to be followed blindly!). Why would a loving God test his creations for entire life? Ans when a gay man follows his instincts, it become punishable by death! Such barbaric God wasn't the one I wanted to believe in.
By 2008, I had come to understand that religion and God was merely a psychological phenomenon. We only believe in a greater being because we are comforted by the fact that there is a being watching over us. And that if we follow the orders we will be rewarded a life in a better place then we are in this world and that life would be of eternal bliss in heaven. And not following God's orders would land you in a place of eternal despair and suffering called hell. One of my friends says that religions were only created in times of anarchy to somewhat check the behaviour of people in those times, make them somewhat civilized by inflicting a fear of god and that we don't need religions in these times, mainly because they are out dated and barbaric.
At my school there was a staunch atheist who would debate dogma with my school mates(quite a feat in Pakistan and I'm glad my school was secular). His talks were inspirational - he would bash religion with science and no Muslim from my school could ever win a debate with him. It was then that I realised that sciences offer a much better explanation for life. I didn't have to follow centuries old scriptures which would preach inequality and suggest barbaric punishments for people who would defy. It was then that I tossed away the Frisbee and embraced a godless self!

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